WHO DO YOU LOVE?
ON LOVE When pen is put to paper and writes about love, it breaks in two. Love is truly a powerful, unique and irresistible force or feeling. When we try and express our love, we find it very hard to find the right words. The expressions we use do not fully represent what is burning deep down inside our hearts. This may explain why we associate love with actions and not just words. We embrace each other, buy our loved ones gifts, send our partners a bunch of flowers, or take them out for a romantic dinner. Love is not just an internal feeling; it is also a way of being, a way of behaving. The psychologist Erich Fromm aptly described love in the following way: “Love is an activity, not a passive effect; it is a “standing in,” not a “falling for”. In the most general way, the active character of love can be described by stating that love is primarily giving, not receiving.”[1] There are many levels and types of love. Various thinkers, philosophers and psychologists have spoken about love. The terms they have used and the approaches they have taken differ, but we can generally understand the different types of love in the following way: Natural Love: We all experience natural love. This type of love relates to loving our family. We love our families due to shared personal, private and familial experiences. This love is also built on a sense of identity and belonging. Friendly Love: This love is the type of love we experience amongst friends. We fall in love with our friends due to our shared experiences, common interests, beliefs, passions and activities. Passionate Love: Love between partners is considered a passionate type of love. This type of love can be found between husband and wife, and it is not to be confused with lust. This love sees the beloved as the source of their pleasure, comfort and security. Passionate lovers tend to see their pleasure and happiness in the pleasure and happiness of their beloved. The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle referred to this type of love as two bodies and one soul. Selfless Love: Another type of love is a love that is not based on circumstances and is freely given regardless of context. This type of love is associated with the love we receive from our mothers. Their love is not based on us loving them back or on the way we behave. Mothers simply love without being loved back. A mother’s love is selfless; she sacrifices many of her desires and needs for her children. “WE LOVE LIFE, NOT BECAUSE WE ARE USED TO LIVING BUT BECAUSE WE ARE USED TO LOVING.” FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE Imagine a life without love or being loved. Is that a life worth living? Everything is barren if we don’t feel love or give love. Without love, our lives become like the dry, lifeless earth. With love, our lives are like a lush green garden enjoying growth, fruits and harmony. Love gives us life, and a life without love is a not a life at all. LOVING OURSELVES, LOVING GOD Another type of love includes self-love. This love occurs due to the desire to prolong our existence, feel pleasure and avoid pain, as well as the need to satisfy our human needs and motivations. We all have this natural love for ourselves because we want to be happy and content. The psychologist Erich Fromm argued that loving oneself is not a form of arrogance or egocentricity. Rather, self-love is about caring, taking responsibility and having respect for ourselves. This type of love is necessary in order to love others. If we cannot love ourselves, how then can we love other people? There is nothing closer to us than our own selves, if we cannot care for and respect ourselves, how then can we care for and respect others? Loving oneself is a form of self-empathy. We empathise and connect with our own feelings, thoughts and aspirations. If we cannot empathise and connect with our own selves, how then can we empathise and connect with others? “The idea expressed in the biblical “Love thy neighbour you as love thy self!” implies that respect for one’s own integrity and uniqueness, love for an understanding of one’s own self, cannot be separated from respect and love and understanding for another individual.”[2] If a person’s love for himself is necessary, this should lead him to love the One who made him. Why? Because it is God who created the physical causes and means in order for human beings to achieve happiness, pleasure and to avoid pain. It is God who has freely given us every precious moment of our existence, yet we do not earn or own these moments. Given that the English word for love encompasses a range of meanings, the best way to elaborate on the Islamic conception of God’s love is to explain His mercy (rahmah) and His special love (muwadda). 1. Mercy: It is said that another word for love is mercy. One of God’s names is The-Merciful; the Arabic word used is Ar-Rahman. The translation does not fully represent the depth and intensity that the meaning of this word carries. The name Ar-Rahman has three major connotations: the first is that God’s mercy is an intense mercy; the second is that His mercy is an immediate mercy; and the third is a mercy so powerful that nothing can stop it. God’s mercy encompasses all things and He wants people to be guided. In God’s book, the Qur’an, He says: “…but My mercy encompasses all things…” The Qur’an, Chapter 7, Verse 156 “It is the Lord of Mercy who taught the Qur’an.” The Qur’an, Chapter 55, Verses 1-2 In the above verse, God says He is The-Merciful, which can be understood as the “Lord of Mercy”, and that He taught the Qur’an. This is a linguistic indication to highlight that the Qur’an was revealed as a manifestation of God’s